Celebrating Marriage in the Catholic Church

Why is the Church involved at all in marriage? After all, marriage was around a long time before the Church. Early Christians entered into marriage according to local customs and culture, just like everyone else.

As late as the ninth century, Pope Nicholas I proclaimed that marriage by mutual consent was accepted as valid without any civil or Church ceremony. From the eleventh century the Church required all secular weddings to be blessed by a priest and, eventually, to take place in a church. It was not until the twelfth century that an established wedding ceremony developed and that marriage took its place among the Church’s sacraments, a sign of the union between Christ and the Church.

In the same century, Pope Alexander III decreed that the basis for a valid marriage was the couple’s mutual consent and that this consent established an unbreakable marriage contract. The logical conclusion of this understanding is that the minister of the sacrament of marriage is the couple, not the priest. The couple administer the sacrament to each other; the role of the priest is as a witness.

The Catholic Rite of Marriage speaks of love, permanent commitment, fidelity, openness to children, and perseverance in good times and bad, qualities which make marriage a unique relationship. In a Catholic marriage, the wife and husband commit themselves to being a sign of Christ's love to the community of faith. The community, in turn, offers its support to the couple as they journey through life. 

What happens at a Catholic Wedding?

The Catholic Rite of Marriage comprises four parts: Introductory Rites, Liturgy of the Word, Liturgy of Marriage and Concluding Rites.  The Introductory Rites include an entrance procession, liturgical greeting and opening prayer. The Liturgy of the Word consists of between one and three readings from scripture and a homily. The Liturgy of Marriage is divided in three parts: statement of intentions, solemn consent, and the blessing and exchange of rings.

The statement of intentions addresses the critical elements of sacramental marriage. The priest asks the bride and groom:

Have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?

Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honour each other for as long as you both shall live?

Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?

For the solemn consent, the priest asks the couple to join hands and declare their consent before God and the Church. The couple then exchange their wedding vows, the most commonly used form being:

I, N., take you N., to be my husband/wife. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honour you all the days of my life.

Couples sometimes want to use vows that they have written. While the Church offers several alternative forms of the wedding vows, it does not permit personal adaptation of these. By using the vows provided by the Church, the couple acknowledge that the wedding unites them not only with each other, but with the whole Body of Christ, the Church. Federal law also places constraints on ‘creative wording’ of the wedding vows to ensure that there is “no mistake as to the meaning of the vows”.

If the couple choose to have wedding rings, the priest then blesses the rings as symbols of deep faith and peace, and the bride and groom exchange them with a promise of unconditional love and fidelity.

Next, the General Intercessions (or Prayer of the Faithful) invite those present to pray for the couple, their families, all married people and the needs of the Church and the world.  If Eucharist is not to be celebrated, the Nuptial Blessing (a prayer for the bride and groom invoking God’s blessing on their married life) and Lord’s Prayer follow.  If the marriage is celebrated during Mass, the Nuptial Blessing and Lord’s Prayer are part of the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

The Solemn Blessing, Signing of the Register and Dismissal conclude the service.

Music at a Catholic Wedding

Catholic liturgical music is music that gives worship to God.  What a wedding liturgy expresses is the mystery of human love as a covenant relationship.  Songs that do not have this focus are best kept for the reception. There are, however, so-called ‘secular’ songs which express beautifully the religious dimension of love. The following questions are a useful guide for making good choices of songs for weddings:

• Do the words express a Christian view of love?  Will the words help the guests understand that marriage is a religious event in which God is present?
• Will the guests be able to join in the singing or will they feel like spectators at a performance?
• Are the musicians competent?  Friends or family performing in an unfamiliar church may prove problematic.  It is usually better to use the parish’s own experienced music ministers.

Where can a Catholic Wedding be held?

Catholic priests are often asked if they will travel to an outdoor location to perform a wedding. The grounds for such requests, including the convenience of holding the wedding ceremony and reception in one venue, or because many of their friends will feel uncomfortable in a church, are often reasonable.

The Code of Canon Law presumes that a Catholic wedding will take place inside a Catholic church. Holding weddings in a church is a reminder that this is the celebration of a sacrament, that husband and wife are blessed and sustained throughout their marriage by the presence and love of God.

The Church expects the baptised to marry in the sacred place because the sacredness of the place points to the sacredness of the bond that is sealed in marriage.  This is not about being legalistic or restrictive, but an invitation to couples to explore more deeply and to celebrate more joyfully the sacredness of their relationship of love and commitment.

There are circumstances where permission might be granted for a Catholic to be married in a place other than a church.  In the application for permission to marry in a place other than a church, the couple outlines their reasons for making the request, and the priest is asked to indicate that refusal of the permission could constitute either a grave danger to the faith of the Catholic party or to the peace and harmony of the couple. 

In some situations, for example where a Catholic is marrying a Christian from another tradition, the local bishop may give permission for the wedding to take place in a church of that tradition with the minister of that community officiating. A Catholic priest may also be present and take part in the ceremony.

When a couple meets with the priest or deacon who is to be the celebrant at their marriage, he will be happy to discuss with them the matter of the appropriate place for holding the wedding ceremony.

What is the difference between a Nuptial Mass and a Catholic Marriage?

“Nuptial” comes from a Latin word meaning marriage, so a Nuptial Mass is a Mass which takes place in the context of a marriage. “Mass” is the most common form of liturgy celebrated by the Catholic Church. It consists of two major and equally important parts – the Liturgy of the Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist. At a Nuptial Mass, then, Eucharist is celebrated and Holy Communion is distributed.  This form is called the Rite for Celebrating Matrimony Within Mass. If both the bride and groom are Catholic and most of the congregation are likely to be Catholic, marriage during Mass would be appropriate.

If it is expected that much of the congregation will not be Catholic, and could therefore not participate in the Lituryg of the Eucharist, the better option is the Rite for Celebrating Matrimony Without Mass.

What is the difference between a civil marriage and the sacrament of marriage?

In a religious ceremony a couple is married under the law of God. For Catholics, the marriage bond is sacred and permanent. In the wedding ceremony the bride and groom enter a holy pact for life by their mutual declaration of consent. In this awesome act, they are filled with the Holy Spirit who strengthens them for their life together. This is the blessing couples seek by coming to the Church for their marriage. The church building is a sacred place for celebrating publicly God’s blessing of their union.

In a civil ceremony, the couple are married under Federal Law. Civil celebrants are required to abide by a strict code of conduct to ensure that the nuptials are legal.