Rituals of Farewell

One of our residents has just died. The family have asked for a priest to come and perform the Last Rites. Aged care facilities and individual families phone with requests similar to this from time to time. How ought parish staff respond? Such requests invite a balanced pastoral response. I am keen to know if any family members are present or whether they can be at the bedside to coincide with my visit.

In actual fact, ‘last rites’ refer to Viaticum, that is, Holy Communion offered to a dying person who is aware of and grateful for the sacred food of the Eucharist. It is described as ‘food for the final journey’. The celebration of the Eucharist as viaticum, food for the passage through death to eternal life, is the sacrament proper to the dying Christian. It is the completion and crown of the Christian life on this earth, signifying that the Christian follows the Lord to eternal glory and the banquet of the heavenly kingdom (Pastoral Care of the Sick 175). This may then be followed by praying the beautiful texts for the ‘Commendation of the Dying’.

Where there is a good working relationship between the local parish and the aged care facility, Catholic residents will have been receiving the sacrament of Holy Communion at regular intervals, if this has been their choice. In this kind of positive working relationship, the local priest will also have regularly offered the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick to those residents who identify as Catholic.

When the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick is requested for a person who is likely to die, I encourage family members to be present at an appointed time. I bring copies of the ritual on folded A5 leaflets. I invite them to gather close and to

respond clearly so that the sick person is readily able to hear. With a copy of the rite, they are able to make their responses confidently. I ask, ‘who is the best reader in the family’ and this person reads the scripture. After the anointing, I invite everybody to take part in a final prayer. I encourage those present to keep the copies of the ritual and to share it with other family members who could not be present.

After death, however, requests for a priest to visit require altogether different pastoral strategies. The Church offers other pastoral initiatives because, following death, neither the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick nor Viaticum is relevant. Sacraments are for the living. Of course, the bedside of someone who has just died is no place to enter into theological discussion regarding what might or might not constitute the Last Rites. It is a moment for compassion and pastoral care.

There are two rituals found in the Order of Christian Funerals which are frequently overlooked but which I think offer valuable resources for the comfort and consolation of close family and friends: Prayers after Death (OCF 101-108) and Gathering in the Presence of the Body (OCF 109-118). Pastoral experience has taught me that these rituals are supportive and encouraging for family and friends who gather at the bedside of a family member who has just died.

It is worth noting here the continuity and overlap between the two liturgical books: The Pastoral Care of the Sick (Rites of Anointing and Viaticum) and the Order of Christian Funerals. The former, after chapters on the Celebration of Viaticum and the Commendation of the Dying, has a chapter called Prayers for the Dead (PCS 223-231). The Order of Christian Funerals also has its section on Prayers after Death (which are not the same as those given in the Pastoral Care of the Sick).

For someone who has just died, my pastoral practice is to use the short rites from the Order of Christian Funerals. I make available to each person present in the room copies of whichever ritual is appropriate. I always carry a supply of these rituals (that I have copied as folded A5 leaflets so as not to be intrusive). In these copies, there are responses to be made by those present, texts spoken by the celebrant, a scripture text that a family member can read aloud, a psalm that all present are able to say together, and some intercessions that can be shared by family members. The power of silent contemplation should be recognised: the rite speaks of an atmosphere of calm and recollection (OCF 111).

I will have holy water with me (I use a beach shell, since this is a seaside parish). When the prayers are completed, I trace a sign of the cross with the water on the deceased person’s forehead. I then invite family members to do likewise and I suggest they give the deceased a gentle kiss on the cheek as a final farewell. This signing with water evokes the first signing on the forehead which took place at baptism. So it is a gesture used at the beginning and the end of life; it foreshadows the sprinkling of the coffin with water.

After this, I often invite two family members to raise the upper sheet to a higher level, not covering the face completely, as a simple gesture of respect that prefigures the pall (again a baptismal reminder) that will be used in the funeral rite.

The rituals Prayers after Death and Gathering in the Presence of the Body do not require the presence of a priest or deacon. If distance separates sick and dying folk from the immediate services of an ordained minister, other parish pastoral ministers can be trained to share these ritual moments with the families and friends of the person who has died.

Death and dying are powerful and awesome moments of encounter with our own mortality, the meaning of our life and our eternal destiny. Nowhere else is the power of ritual more in evidence. Ritual moves beyond explanation. It offers pastoral invitations and opportunities not to be underestimated.

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This article was originally published in Liturgy News ​Vol 49(3) September 2019. Reprinted with permission.