When a Child Dies

When an infant or a child dies, the parents, family members and other mourners are often weighed down by grief.  They struggle to understand that the infant or child has gone before them into God’s embrace and that one day they will all be reunited in the joy of heaven.

‘Lord God, from whom human sadness is never hidden, you know the burden of grief that we feel at the loss of this child.  As we mourn his/her passing from this life, comfort us with the knowledge that N. . . .  lives now in your loving presence.’   (OCF 282)

In a special way, the mourners can be supported by those who have lost children of their own. 

Through the ministry of consolation and through the participation of the community in the funeral rites, the mourners can be helped to experience ‘the compassionate presence of Christ who embraced little children, wept at the death of a friend, and endured the pain and separation of death.’   (OCF 239) 

The Order of Christian Funerals contains a special section on Funeral Rites for Infants and Young Children ‘including those of early school age.’  (OCF 234) 

These include the Vigil for a Deceased Child, Funeral Liturgy, and Rite of Committal. Other prayers at the time of death and brief rites before the major liturgy can be adapted from those for adults if desired.

Options are provided for infants who die before baptism, stillborn children, baptised babies and older children.  In some instances such as that of a stillborn baby or a newborn infant, it may be preferable to have only the Rite of Committal.  (OCF 235) 

This rite should be adapted to the particular situation and ‘may be used in the hospital or place of birth or at the time of Committal of the Body’.   (OCF 318)

Those assisting the family in planning the funeral rites need to take into account the age of the child, local customs and circumstances of death.  They should also take into account any siblings, or friends of the deceased who may be present at the celebration.  

Where appropriate, children may be involved in planning and have special roles in the celebration, such as processions or music.

Vigil for a Deceased Child

The Vigil for a Deceased Child is the principal celebration of the Christian community during the time before the Funeral Liturgy.  However, if there is no Funeral Liturgy, the Vigil is celebrated before the Rite of Committal. It may take the form of a Liturgy of the Word or some part of the Office for the Dead.

The Vigil may be celebrated in the home of the deceased child, at the funeral parlour, or in the church.  The elements of the rite may be simplified or shortened if a large number of children are present, or if the Vigil is held in the family home.  A family member or friend may speak words in remembrance of the child, according to custom or circumstances.   (OCF 246)

The Funeral Liturgy

The Funeral Liturgy is the central liturgical celebration for a child, as for all those who have died. Adaptations recommended in the Directory for Masses with Children may be used during this celebration.  (OCF 242)

Local bishops may allow this liturgy to be celebrated in the home of the deceased child.  Above all, at the death of a child, ‘the church offers worship to God, the author of life, commends the child to God’s love, and prays for the consolation of the family and close friends.’      (OCF 236)

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This article was originally published in  ‘Christian Funerals’. ©  Diocese of Parramatta.  2004, 2007. Reprinted with permission.